dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
