Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All the doctor said was why
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize