I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize