dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
