I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize