We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
