Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Boobs are out for the taking
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
