it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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