Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Im part way to drunk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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