just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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