I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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