Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
