Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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