Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
