He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
