my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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