I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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