I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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