dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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