Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
