Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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