yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
