My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
