I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
