i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
