Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Boobs speak an international language.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
