You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
