Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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