Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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