I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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