he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
