Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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