Tell her she can't have a vagina
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She bit a glass in half.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
