bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
