My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
40s are totally the cure
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
