Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
