I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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