White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
