Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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