At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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