I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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