I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
