Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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