Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
