That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
