we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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