sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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