Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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