And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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