is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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