I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
