had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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