My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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