The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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