some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
