Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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