I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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