the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
