So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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