it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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