how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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