just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
