Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
