I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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