I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Duck Duck Cougar?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
