I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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