Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
