would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
