dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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