Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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