I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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