My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
