So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You took a bar mat shot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
