god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
