So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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