1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I want a musical about memes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
