May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
