Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
