After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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