just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
we're so committed to being not committed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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