yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize