i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i want to swaddle you in tequila
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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