Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
