my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
