Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
