Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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