My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
