Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize