so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
